Synaesthesia
by ThisBeTheVerse
Summary: River gives her brother a helping hand.


All the usual disclaimers apply. **Synaesthesia by Sue Welsh**

"No-one's angry." 

Agreement wells up and fills the room. Then Jayne spits on the floor and the blob of phlegm makes a hole which sucks all the agreement away. 

"I'm angry! Crazy, that's what she is! Having her on board is like having a marsh-hog on a row boat. Sooner or later we're gonna end up in the ..." 

"Jayne?" 

The captain speaks, and everyone else goes pale. 

"Shut up." 

They all have their colours. The captain is a beautiful cow-eye brown. Steady and warm, and speaking of slow strength and deep honesty. He turns to me. 

"We're not angry, River." 

He's lying, of course. But in an honest way. He wants to believe he's not angry. That's almost as good. Sometimes, that's as good as it gets. 

"We just want to know why you did it." 

Colours, colours. They have their own life. They can't be faint like this forever. Wash breaks out in a swathe of buttery yellow. 

"And that you'll never, ever, do it again." 

Book and Zoe fix him with their eyes and he tries to liquefy into the bulkhead. You can't do it. I've tried. 

I thought one day I'd melted and my hair was a skein of copper wiring and my skin was as smooth as rolled steel and printed with strange words. This way up. Red Alert. Disconnect power before cleaning. My hands were bluer than the sea on Earth that was. But then an apple came along holding Kaylee by the hand and she looked at me as if to say "It won't let go!" and I was back and running. 

Kaylee's not here now, of course. That's what they don't seem to understand. Explanations tire me and they don't do any good. But I try. 

"Kaylee's nice. I - I like her." 

Red mist swirls around my ankles and tries to climb into my boots. Stamp it away. Kick it away. Dance a jig until it's gone. Simon won't like that. "Jigs are vulgar. Don't you understand?" We all know our own hearts, brother. He doesn't smell the mist. I don't hear the line he draws around us. How can I help stepping across it? 

Then the room is purple shot with silver. 

"Child, what is it? What do you see?" 

More than you, preacher. More than you ever will. No ... must be kind to Shepherd Book. A person named after a symbol. But, oh! Big soul! He could fill the universe if he wasn't chained to that rock. 

"River, listen to me." 

The captain again. In his head he's building a tower. Brick by brick. Level by level. But it's weak. My apple will knock it down. 

"Flying the ship is what Wash does. D'you know why?" 

"Because he has the best shirt." 

Zoe laughs and out of her mouth comes a beautiful bird. The captain swats it away. 

"No, River. It's because he's a qualified pilot." 

The bird is all the colours of the rainbow and it circles the room and lands in front of me. Out of its beak comes a beautiful song. "Don't tell them," it says, "it's not important." 

But what do birds know about flying? 

"No he isn't." 

"Yes, he is." 

"No he isn't!" 

The captain shakes off the truth like it was a rain shower. 

"Anyway, it don't signify. Wash flies the ship. You don't fly the ship." 

"I only took it a half mile." 

"You don't fly the ship! Not even a little bit!" 

"All right then!" 

"Cap, don't shout. You'll upset her." 

Too many colours. Too many voices. Not like the rainbow bird; all mixed up and grey, like there's some missing. Where's Simon? He speaks for me when things get mixed. I have to go. What happened to the doors? 

"Simon? Where is he?" 

Zoe surrounds me. She has nice hair. She smells like fresh laundry and gunpowder. 

"He's not here, honey. We sent Inara to look for him and Kaylee. They probably got back and couldn't find the ship, is all." 

Yes! Oh ... yes! Don't you see? Don't you see? 

"He's with Kaylee?" 

"That's right, honey." 

"Kaylee's my friend." 

"Of course she is." 

I whisper it. Zoe can be trusted. 

"Kaylee's my friend and she has apples." 

She looks puzzled. "OK. Now you're losin' me." 

"It's a big secret." 

Pink. Think of strawberries ripening, tinged with delicate green and loaded with promise. Kaylee! Simon! Back already? 

Everyone else crowds around, asking irrelevant questions and giving false interpretations. 

"That moon-brained sister of yours!" 

"... moved the ship ..." 

"... locked the controls ..." 

" ... and the doors ..." 

"... so they only worked from the outside." 

"We were sitting ducks!" 

"Inara was out in the shuttle ..." 

"... we asked her to find you both ..." 

"... and bring you back ..." 

"... did she find you?" 

You know, it worries me that people are so stupid. Then Kaylee and Simon join in the babbling. 

"No ... we didn't see anybody." 

"We ... made our own way back." 

"Just ... lost track of the time." 

"Has the ship moved?" 

Kaylee gives me a smile. I notice Serenity's walls have turned to apples. I hope that won't compromise the hull when we're out of atmo. I didn't see that coming. 

But then, I can't think of everything. 


End file.
